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"Welcome to the soldiers side....there is no one here but me...." [20 Aug 2005|07:34am]
[ mood | sad ]

I don't know why I am so Goddamned nice. Yesterday, I agreed to help my mom pay for a lot of her rent...and I mean a lot, like most of it...fuck. I am never going to get my Goddamned car on the road. Grrrrr.....

Work sucked...as usual, though I really do enjoy the company of my co-workers...they rock. I've reestablished contact with Erin Allen...hooray! I am very pleased with that...I've wanted that for a long time now.

I wish I could just cut the emotions off again...like I used to.

It seems as if I've felt for the first time...and the feeling has gone away from me...slipped out of my grip...I am sad.

I still need a roomate, so, if there is anyone out there, drop me a line.

That's all.

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... [16 Aug 2005|12:25am]
[ mood | sad ]

Well, I'm all moved out of Shana's. I am sad. Things are certainly in a negative state. Stagnent, if you will.
Apparently, I have a new totem for this stage of my life, the Mantis, a representation of patience and stillness. I must still the outward mind in order to heal.


I hate having to be patient. I'm so fed up. It's like I've lost control of myself, so to speak. I have a set routine of work and insomnia and as far as my socila life goes my defensive protocols are taking effect. I'm distancing myself subconciously and I don't know how to stop it.

"Do you need anybody?"
"I need somebody to love?"

I am sad but trying to be hopeful.

ATTENTION!! If there is anyone who is looking for a roomate please contact me!


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...like...whoa [06 Aug 2005|12:37am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Okay, extreme journal time. Let's see...started working at Target...being kicked out...talking to a hot Russian chick...(hehehehe)....uh...I'm fed up and such...the drinking will begin soon enough...oh yes....that....is all.


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Yo... [21 Jul 2005|12:28am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well, lot's has happened. Holy Mother of Christ I don't even know where to begin. Let's see...Sydney and I broke up, did my six hock flesh suspension, things were going okay between Syd and I but then they got worse and it's my fault even though I was unaware I could make them worse, I'm currently at Ashlynn's house cause I'm babysitting her brothers until tomorrow then I'll be working with Frankie until the 29th...um...OH YEAH! Hopefully I'll be starting a job at Target August 1st...woot...um...my car will fully armed and operational soon...um, I'm loosing my mind and may do something very not good soon(not suicide, just to ease your minds). I don't know...I'm very confused...I want sex...bad. Yeah. And tattoos...lots. I'll be getting some more ink in September...woo. I don't know...I'm not happy, not at all and I don't know what to do in order to secure my happiness...fuck. Well, I guess that's really all the important stuff. I hope everyone is well. Leave me some comments, let me know you're all alive.


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Oi... [09 Jul 2005|08:56pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Hello, long time no type. Lot's has happened...hmm. Probably the most important...Sydney and I split up, probably for good this time, I did a suspension(for those who don't know, I got six hocks in my back and hung for roughly ten minutes, word) I'll put pictures up when I get them. Uh, I've been pretty bummed, but things are looking up for various reasons and I cannot wait for you guys to hear about it, I'd put it on here now but it's one of those things that's just better to find out in person. Uh, still on the job hunt, but that should be getting better soon. Right now I'm at Kattymoo's house, it's her B-day, woo. So, that's it and all. Hope everyone is well.

Wolves(you know who you are), I need you guys to call me, we need to get together soon, it's very important.


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Hell yeah! [17 Apr 2005|04:42pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Well, the BME BBQ happened...and...it was great! Well, we started at Umstead park but we were kicked because apparently the shelter in which we were doing the pulls and suspensions was a historical structure...yeah, right, maybe they used to hold important clan meetings there, what a bunch of bullshit. Before that happened Sydney and her friend Jen did a pull and they pulled so hard that one of Sydney's hocks bent and ripped out...yeah, I love my hardcore girlfriend. Well, after we were kicked out we all packed up and moved to this guy Sporko's house and set up there and continued. At around 8:00 I got my hocks in my back...yeah...it hurt, but it was good. Shortly there after I took part in a pentagram pull with four other people, that one was okay, mostly just leaning away from each other, then Heidi and I went into the kitchen and pulled in a tug-of-war fashion and man, it was so great. Ashlynn got some great pictures, hopefully I'll get those on here soon enough, they're awesome. Then Sydney tried to suspend but was unable to due to here injury earlier, it sucked, but I'm proud of her drive. Then I got my hocks out and left for the Soulpreacher show and hot diggidy damn sam it rocked. Their new stuff is awesome. So, Saturday was a pretty rockin' day. Now, I am at Sydney's parents, they're having a cookout for her dad's birthday, so, yeah. I have to leave soon so I can get the air pushed out of my back, yeah, HOT! So, I am going to look at a few things and get outta here. Hope everyone is well.


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Konnichi wa... [12 Apr 2005|11:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]

You scored as Wolf. You are the Wolf. When you are with someone, your allegience never falters. Your family is very important to you and you will protect that family with all you have, no matter what.






























Which animal totem best suits you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Yeah, what's up, long time no type. Uh, things are okay, I suppose. I still need another job, blast is all. Anybody need a young man to do any ol' jobs around the house or what have you? Huh? Do ya? Damn it. Well, despite my lack of hours things at the store are going well, we've got a lot of cool stuff. We just got in a pair of the best swords I've ever held...yeah. So, that's great. I wish more of my friends would come in. We're located in Cary Towne Center right across from Hot Topic. Please come in, if not to shop, just to see it so you guys can tell other people about it, it's really fuckin' cool. In other news, this Saturday is the BME Barbeque, yeah. I'm gonna do a flesh pull. For those of you are not familiar with all the Body-mod stuff, a flesh pull is when you get shark hocks in your back and pull against someone else in the same situation. Pretty rockin', huh? Anyway, oh yeah! My boxspring caught on fire the other day, that's exciting. Not sure how it happened, even though I was right there. Weird, maybe all that time I've spent in hell? Well, I'm gonna quit typing now. Yeah, hope everyone is well.

This is just something that popped into my head, but I really miss Andrew. I wish there was some way we could just reach a mutual understanding and be friends.

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Whoa! [30 Mar 2005|12:08am]
[ mood | *shrug* ]

Wow, okay, it's been awhile. Um, let's see. Things have been okay. I'm still in need of a full time job, but I'm workin' on it. Sydney and I are doing extremely well. The sword kiosk is closed...and now the store is open, OH YEAH!!! We are located across from Hot Topic in Cary Towne Center, please feel free to drop by anytime. Uh, the Renn. Fair is in town, yeah. I went this past Sunday to scope out for Thorr's Hammers, to no avail really, so, yeah. It makes me sad. I got some good rune cards, yeah. Uh, nothing really exciting is going on. Hope everyone is doing well.

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Heh... [02 Mar 2005|07:10pm]

You are

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Wow.... [27 Feb 2005|04:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Yep, it's update time, oh yeah! Let's see, since my last update, Sydney and I broke up, I got drunk and had sex with a red head because everybody told that I should just get over Sydney as quickly as possible(yeah, like that actually worked), Sydney and I got back together(yay), Spencer's closed(*sigh*), I attained a car but I have yet to get all the legal crap taken care of, so, yeah, Jason has decided to close the sword stand and we're opening a store in Crossroads and that's gonna rock cause all the stuff I get for my demos(i.e. Uniforms, practice weapons, armor?, etc.)will be a business expence, uh, my birthday happened and it was pretty rockin', I'm drinking a lot now-a-days, so, yeah. Oh, yeah, I gotta a cell phone, the # is 919-434-9592, if you don't already know. Now, I am going to do some research and hopefully find a Thorr's hammer to order offline. So, yeah, hope everyone is well.


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... [06 Jan 2005|11:06pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

Wow. Long time. Um, Christmas happened. Yeah. It was overall not too terrible. Got some cool stuff. Cried. Um, works been getting to me. Having two jobs sucks...bad. I'm becoming more and more attached to my blade. As stupid as it sounds, I feel I'm growing more and more into a warrior. I don't know. Uh, New Years rocks. I had so much fun with my friends, I love those guys. Uh, I never want to see or speak to Andrew again. I'm tired of him saying he's my friends and then acting the complete opposite. So, yeah. I've got a bunch of practice weapons coming in, that's exciting. Frankie and I will be training pretty hard.

Before I go, I'm gonna do one of them reaching out things...uh, guys, who ever the hell still reads this thing, I'm scared. I think I might be going away for a while. I don't know. I don't know much of anything right now.

That's all I have time for. Hope everyone is well.

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Eleven forty eight and all is well.... [07 Dec 2004|11:48pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Yeah, things are lookin' alright at the moment. Well, not really, but there is one factoid in my life that makes the rest look a hell of a lot brighter. None of you probably remember me talking about her, but my oldest and most dear of all my friends, the girl I've known and loved since before I even liked girls, Kimberly is back in my life. Ah yes. So, happy, so happy indeed. The other night I was checking my e-mail and low and behold, there was an e-mail from her and I immediately responded. I told where I worked and oddly enough, she showed up the next day and I almost fainted. Later that night(which I now realize was lastnight, go figure)she came over and we watched Aqua Teen season three and caught up until 8:00 this morning...hot diggidy damn, it was great. I love her so much. And on top of all that, she and Sydney get along, that's great. I'm overjoyed and this time, I don't care what it takes, I'm not letting her slip out of my life again, I don't think I could handle losing her, not again, so there.

Let's see, what else? Um, my mom got sued and has to pay 2500 dollars plus court fees....isn't that just terrible. Um, Taryn and I had a little tiff, but all is well. I've pretty much secured a job once my store closes. The sword guy at the mall, Jason, has already said he would hire me once he gets an actual shop in the mall, so, word. He has SO many WONDERFUL swords that I want so bad, you'd kick your mom right in the face...whoa....anyway. Works work, what else. Um, I haven't talked with the boys in a very long time and need to do that soon. I work at noon this Saturday, so, I'm going to try and get out to the flea market early in the morning before-hand, perhaps I can meet with an elite group of my homies, hmm...anyway, this was a rushed entry. So, there, hope everyone is well.


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Rock out... [23 Nov 2004|09:19pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Blah blah belgium. Okay, so Christmas is on the way and I'm flabbergasted. So much crap to do. You know something? With the money I'm in the process of saving I'd be able to purchase the suit of Samurai Armor I want so dearly. Hmm... kinda makes one wonder. Anywho, works suckin' pretty badly. We found out yesterday that as opposed to our district managers coming in from now until the closing the CEO's that purchased the company will be coming in. Four letters...S...U...C....K....yeah. So, I'm kinda peeved. Yeah. Uh, let's see. I talked with the weapons guy at the mall and found out that he sells the uniforms I want and he'll cut me a deal. So, I'm cheerful about that. I really want a Katana. Like, holy crap. I purchased the book called Samurai Fighting Arts by Fumon Tanaka and it is very good. I want to get together with Cody while he's in town and do some sword work, I was always a fan of his swordsmanship. So, yeah. Um, let's see. Anything else super important?...I don't think so. Um, a note to the boys: I need a list of who all is applying at Best Buy because the guy has agreed to give me the fifty dollars for everybody who puts him down as a reference, so, woot. That's really all I have to say so...


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Stupid crime dramas... [15 Nov 2004|10:34pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I hate them good.

Okie doke. So, things suck right now. In case you haven't heard already, my store will be closing january 31. Yeah, apparently, my store location hasn't made enough money over the past three years, so, the new owners of the corporation are closing us down. Yeah, it sucks, big time. Oh well. I'm sure I'll survive. Uh, I've started Christmas shopping. Yeah. I'm buying Christmas for my Mother and Sister cause my mom's poor as hell, so, yeah. Uh, this past saturday after work, I went to Phil's birthday bash with Ashlynn and her Mike. He's pretty rockin'. The party itself was fun. Saw some people I don't really enjoy seeing(i.e. Amy and Kayle) but I got to see Daniel and Chris and that guy...can't remember his first name, but his last name is Maloney so that's what I call him. We played Dance Dance and talked for a bit, then when more people left we played Tenchu and talked more and eventually crashed. Sunday, I woke up and went to work, I opened and Jeff and I put signs up. It was very sad. After work, Shana picked me up and we went to Target. We bought the Duran Duran Greatest hits album and the Saturday Night Live Best of Will Ferrell DVD. She also bought me a Batman beanie, it rocks. I considered buying the RX-79 Mobile Suit to complete my Arch Enemy collection for the time being, but I didn't, I need to start saving up for Christmas. I've got three boxes of stuff in the back room at the store, extra discount, woot woot. Today, I opened and at 11:30, Dave left the store cause he's sick and I was alone with shipment for 3 and half hours until Mary got there and then at three, Crystal arrived and we got the shipment done before Jeff got in at 5:00...woooooooooooooootttt!!! That may not sound like much, but we had around 75 boxes to begin with and about half were done before anyone else even got there....I've decided that I, uh, rock. Yeah! Anywho, I got off work at 5:00 and went and got dinner with Syd, Shana, and James. We got pizza and went to the Wal-Mart, they make me mad cause they don't have Gundams. Jerks. After that, we went back to my house then I went to Syd's house and now we're at her parent's house and she is watching some crime drama, hence the subject bar. So, yeah. I'm off work tomorrow, hopefully I won't be called in, I plan on cleaning and then Wednesday I am going to probably hang out with Miss Taryn and accompany her to the Shakespeare Abridged performance. So, yeah. I'm gonna do some research now for I can't remember what right this second, Oh yeah! Gundam stuff, so, yeah. Hope everyone is well.


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WOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [08 Nov 2004|07:05pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

I got promoted!!! Yippy yippy yeah yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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"Vader...you must confront Vader..." [06 Nov 2004|01:20am]
[ mood | horny ]

Okay, so, I saw some of the Star Wars: Episode III Preview...Oh, dear sweet Jesus on a Cracker...I'm so excited. I'm gonna make a Tusken Raider outfit and go and it will be great.

Okay, well, let's review the past week. Last weekend...whew! I worked Saturday, October 30th and holy christ we were busy as shit. I got in at ten, dressed as Jack, and was immediatly slammed at the register. We had a line the whole day, I didn't get to go on break, and I was there thrity minutes longer than I was supposed to. (Okay, brief tangent about work relevent to this time. The new girl, Tasha, a large, black, lesbian, came in and went to the back corner of the store and apparently looked at the posters, talked on her cell phone, and bitched about how Dave and I who were on register weren't cleaning like she should have been...grr, anyway I'll get to more of my employment adventures later, back to my weekend.) So, work sucked, but I was soon on my way to Bryan's homestead for his party. I got there way early and was Spider-Man for a brief period(I put up some Spider Webs, what with my exstensive knowledge of that...profession...?) and then he put the Dawn of the Dead remake in and we watched, I had never seen it, so, I was excited. During the course of the movie various folk showed up. Justin and Christine, my negro brethren, Galen, ect. and it was good. After the movie, I liked it alright, we talked about the good ol' days, then Andrew, Ashtyn, Taryn and her friend Joy showed up. I was pleased to see Taryn and Joy, not so much the other two, so, I went outside for a bit and chatted with the two lovely ladies for a good while. A bit later, the foursome was ready to depart, but not, of course, before Andrew wanted to talk...I did not want to talk yet, but he did...so, yeah. It sucked, I won't go into detail. During out conversation Joy flashed...which was a pleasant surprise...indeed. Eventually, I just told Andrew that the conversation was going nowhere, so, he left. I cried. Then I chatted with Bryan and Justin. We talked about Andrew, the good times we had in the past, and various other things, it was good. Then I decided to have a talk with Derrick, Phil, and Galen and told them how much I cared about them etc. Then we went in the house and jammed around on some instruments. It was so good. Justin and I laughed to the point of tears. I missed Cody a bunch, I would like to talk to him about stuff. Anywho, the night/morning ended with me watching Van Helsing, it was alright, then, sleep...

The next morning was fun, Derrick drank some syrup and got all crazy dancing and it was my mission to stop him and I did a few times. Then, we blindfolded him and beat him...yeah, gotta love them african americans...hehheh....? Anywho, shortly there after we played some f-ed up version(that's right, f-ed up)of king of the mountain. Derrick and I were a team, team Predator, grrrrrrrrr snarl etc. The first round went to team Fat, Bryan and John, but in the last two rounds team Predator dominated, raaaaawwwwrrrrr!!!!!!! Oh yeah, we had war paint too, and there are pictures somewhere out there(Christine and/or Justin). Then, we went to Owen's house, Galen, the Darkies, and I. I showered, cause I was in desperate need, and it was wonderful. Then, after snacking and gaming, we took to the outdoors. First, we sat around the Hammock and started talking about the comic the Darkies and I are going to be colaberating on. Then, played Gundam and Galen and I dominated, woot. Then, we played the Final Fantasy Story we started so long ago, it was fun. Then, we ate Chicken Wings and Beans, woo yeah bo! Shortly there after Adam Berry showed up, woot. We sat on the roof and talked something out with Owen that we needed to, sorely. Owen said, " We're like the Ninja Turtles and you're Master Splinter(Me)"...it nearly brought a tear to my eye. That night really brought us all closer. Seperate, we are fragile humans...together, we are indestructable forces to be feared.

The rest of the week was exhausting. We started packing up the Halloween shipment in the store and it finally got shipped out today. Also, I saw Sarah today...blarg. And there is a strong possibilty that I will be promoted to the thrid key holder position of Sales Supervisor...woot to the mother fuckin woot...I will find out tomorrow. Um, what else. Taryn and I are doing well. Sydney and I are doing wonderful. Um.....I saw Owen and Galen tonight. I got the 12 inch Wing Zero Custom figure tonight. Uh, I'm sure there's other stuff I should mention, but I need to go fool around with my girlfriend, so...


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... [03 Nov 2004|12:24pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

May Odin be with us...

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"Those are Lover Boy songs, Er, and Lover Boy has always sucked..." [27 Oct 2004|01:02am]
[ mood | silly ]

So, yeah. It's been one of them days. Busy as shit at the store, on a tuesday nonetheless. Christ on a cracker. I've decided to further press the increasing of our wages at the store to Dave and the DM(that's District Manager, not Dungeon Master, to those pervs and/or geeks)and if something isn't done before Christmas I'm leaving the store. I need more money and I don't feel any of us are being paid enough for the amount of work we do. Also, a woman was hired for the position I was Jonesin' for, and just when I thought I had a shot at it too, bastards. In other news, I spoke to Taryn this evening and apparently the asshole inside of Andrew has struck again. Sheesh. Okay, I've decided that the best route is this: I'm going to sit down with the old "crew" (Brian, Cody, Justin, and myself) and discuss this with them, because we were all extremely close at one point or another and this is a big deal, so, yeah. I think that's a much better way of handling it than, I don't know, kicking Andrew's ass back into the womb. So, yeah. Okay, pleasantness...

Halloween is upon us once again, yay. Although I am unable to go with my first choice in the costume department I am perfectly happy with once again assuming the role as Captain Jack Sparrow, Hottie of the Carribean. There are several things happening this weekend that I would like to take part in. My friend Amber is having a party. Sydney is going to be doing a suspension and Brian is having a party. I mainly want to do the suspension and Brian things, but I need to figure out transportation, if anyone thinks of anything, please notify me. Oh yeah, and everyone should come up to the store this weekend(Spencer Gifts in Cary Towne Center, if you didn't know) and see me dressed as the Sexy Pirate man. So, yeah.

One more note, does anyone actually read this thing? I mean, not being all bitchy, I'm just curious. I'm perfectly fine with typing this journal for just me, it's good to get it all out. If you actually read this crap, please, leave a comment to let me know.

Derek! Phil! Call me!


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Okay... [03 Oct 2004|09:52pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I am done with Taryn. It is painfully obvious that she does not want me in her life so, I won't be, BUT I am not going to hate her and say "Fuck off!" or anything like that, I am simply going to say, "No matter what you say or think of me, Taryn, I will always be here if and when you need me..." and that is all. Other than that, she's gone. Ha! She didn't keep one of her promises, she promised she'd be my friend always too. Haha!

Anywho, work is going well enough. I pinched a nerve in my should, so that sucks. Sydney is going to Ohio Wednesday, that sucks alot, but oh well. She and I will be going to New Orleans sometime in the future. I met with John Little Friday, the guy who is going to be making my Predator stuff, that went well. I'm waiting to hear back from him, so yeah. I've made friends with the employees at the Goth'n'Go a.k.a. Hot Topic, that's pretty funny, but they're all cool and what not. One of them, Heidi, is a total spaz and it's great. I've been drawing a g fair amount lately, so that's good. Hopefully, I'll get an add put in the Independent soon for my freelance art stuff. Yeppers, well, I can't think of anything else of utter importance. So yeah, hope everyone is doing well.


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Yo... [29 Sep 2004|12:51am]
[ mood | blank ]

So, yeah, I was bitten by a spider and no it did not give me Spider powers, Spider powers, Radio-active Spider powers...it just made me stiff and sore. Anywho, works been work-like. We got a shipment in today and I had to stock everything...65 boxes, oh yeah, AND the store was clean. Boo-yah! In other news, Shana and I had a nice little yelling match. I don't want to go into details, it just sucks. So, I'm going to be looking into new housing in the near future. I went to a party this weekend, got to see some of my old mates from Fuquay and I FINALLY got some information on the whole "My girlfriend being a stripper/pornstar" rumor...according to the five people I spoke to, the source is my original thought...Taryn and now that we are not friends I have no reason to believe otherwise, five people...yep. So, yeah. Taryn's a liar, my girlfriend is neither a stripper nor a pornstar and if she were it would be none of anyones business because she is a wonderful, beautiful, smart person and I love her with all my heart and soul, so, fuck off to anyone who thinks shes a stripper. There. Okie doke. That's all folk.

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